Healing

“What is hidden and secret quietly erodes mental health and trust and connection. Only once secrets are acknowledged and brought into the open can healing begin.” (Slobhan Darrow: “The darkness and the light”, Duke Magazine Special Issue 2017, The Secrets Issue.) This includes those secrets we keep hidden even from ourselves.

“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter—they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you for so long.”
–Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath.

Who is deserving of hearing these precious words, these too long hidden secrets.

Trust

“Sometimes, the biggest secrets you can only tell a stranger.” (Michelle Hodkin: The Evolution of Mara Dyer)

Trust between you and your stranger (therapist) that allows you to work together effectively is referred to less poetically as the therapeutic alliance. Practically speaking it is that treasured sense of trust between two people. “The therapeutic alliance might be the most important part of beginning a psychotherapy. In fact, many studies indicate that the therapeutic alliance is the best predictor of treatment outcome.” (Deborah L. Cabaniss, MD: The Therapeutic Alliance: The essential ingredient for psychotherapy).

There is a problem however. In the beginning, the therapist or counselor is for all practical purposes truly a stranger and in most of the ordinary everyday ways remains a stranger no matter how long the therapy continues. We don’t typically go to familiar people, a family member, friend, or business associate, for a “therapeutic” conversation even though we may have a pre-existing level of trust with them. We only go to a stranger.

But uh-oh, what about… “stranger danger”.

Strangers

Trust is earned—always. In regards to therapists, earning the trust of the client begins with solid academic preparation, continuing education, and appropriate licensing. It is the obligation of the consumer of therapy to lay their groundwork for trust by verifying the therapist is prepared, by checking their credentials before making an appointment. The quickest way to do that is to check with the SC Department of Labor, Licensing, and Regulation (llr.state.sc.us) and conduct a “Licensee Look-up”. It only takes a few minutes. If the therapist is licensed for their field of practice that will likely confirm that they have also completed the necessary academic preparation. If their degree is vague, i.e., Ph.D. or MA without further description, seeking clarification is advisable. Just ask, “What was your field of study for your degree”.

There are also national registries of certification in particular fields, for instance, NCC or National Certified Counselor. It is also easy to go to the certifying organization’s website and verify that a particular therapist’s certification is up to date and active.

A search most often reveals a therapist to be exactly who they say they are. However, “stranger danger” dictates that the consumer be responsible for their own safety needs. It does not matter how likable or charismatic a therapist or counselor is. If they are not who they portray themselves to be, to trust them further is foolishness.

“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.” –Andre Malraux

In the moment

Once in face-to-face contact with the therapist there are certain attributes of the therapeutic relationship that from the very beginning moments are important to determine if it is safe to trust:

• Do you feel that the therapist is interested in you?
• Does the therapist appear to have an empathetic response to your circumstances?
• Does the therapist understand something about the trouble that brought you to therapy, even from the get-go?
• Does the therapist treat you with dignity and respect for boundaries?
• Do the therapist’s procedures honor your privacy, your confidentiality?
• Does the therapist coherently describe their treatment method?
• Do you feel hopeful after the meeting?

“It needs strength to stay silent, but it needs courage to confide in somebody.”
-Namrata Kumari.