Core Issues

I dreamed recently of a young man climbing inside the hollow trunk of a standing tree. He shimmied through the trunk to remove an undetonated bomb that had been there a long time. I believe my dream is calling my attention to a “core issue”, perhaps to the need to more successfully remove or at least defuse that core issue in my present.

We all have them, core issues or negative beliefs about ourselves that were validated by long ago negative experiences. These beliefs are formed early in life and follow us into adulthood in varying levels of intensity. Perhaps we are prone to feeling inadequate, unloved, unwanted, belittled, controlled, invalidated, always at fault, etc. Core issues that remain unresolved serve as major drivers in one’s personality structure as an adult. They are often unconscious so can be triggered unexpectedly under specific psychosocial stress, bringing significant emotional distress.

The Core Issue-Defense Pattern

When a core issue, like persistently feeling belittled or disrespected, is triggered psychological defenses attempt to neutralize the hidden fear that some secret shame or negative self-belief is true. Of course we should defend ourselves, but sometimes our defenses are maladaptive, for instance punching back, trying too hard to get noticed by others, getting into unhealthy romantic relationships, or self-rejection. Maladaptive defense patterns can lead to even further psychological or relationship turmoil.

So what is the antidote? How does one develop more productive patterns?

Diving Deep

First, a core issue(s) must be identified. Consider taking the plunge into the realm of self-discovery.

Pay special attention to situations that trigger an emotional response out of proportion to actual events, situations where you find intense negative emotion triggered. “Road rage” of varying degrees is an easy example. Take a moment to contemplate what it is in the other person’s behavior that is so upsetting. (For instance, do you feel crowed out?) Try contemplating what happens inside you as this negative response unfolds. Try to identify the real emotional issue activating you that lies beneath what was said or done. (For instance, does being crowded out leave you feeling belittled or disrespected?)

Next, taking an even deep plunge you might ask yourself, “What am I experiencing that I fear may be true about me?” (For instance: I am insignificant.) And then by even further extension, what experiences do you dwell on that validate this negative belief about yourself?

Core Meaning

An effective antidote to toxic negative self-beliefs is to replace them with positive self-beliefs, or “core meaning”. Regarding road rage, rather than responding to the trigger of being crowded out and perhaps feeling insignificant or belittled, practice replacing that response from the position of a positive self-belief like, “I can respect myself for behaving responsibly in traffic, not reacting to someone else’s aggression, and taking into account the safety of all.” Then comes practicing and creating a new history of validation of oneself as respectable, that is, strong and capable enough to be caring and protective of others even under duress.

Sprout a New Idea

For new ways of thinking and growth to take root the brain must be rewired through practice. One must learn to stop believing the core issue message and intentionally focus on developing core meaning and opportunities to validate that meaning. It takes time. Bessel Van der Kolk in The Body Keeps the Score calls this process the neuroscience of selfhood and agency. It involves associating intense sensations with safety, comfort, and mastery and is the foundation of self-regulation, self-soothing, and self-nurture.

Check out this informative YouTube video on practice and mastery. It applies to behavior and feeling patterns as well as the mastery of a physical skill. Copy and past this link in your browser:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2O6mQkFiiw&sns=em